Wotay! It’s been more than a few days since the Jesus Tablet hit the market and I am pretty sure you are all tired of the reviews by now.

I got my paws on the Apple iPad a few days ago and quite liked it. But then again, I don’t have an iPhone and don’t see any reason why anyone with an iPhone might actually want to get an iPad. The latter being just a giant version of the iPhone. Except, as everybody knows by now, you can’t call using your iPad (The designers decided against it, I am told, because you would look idiotic if you held up an iPad to your face to make a call. Hah. [false fact, do not believe])

Anyhoo, the internet apparently is just full of rage videos–Apple haters and obvious attention seekers who have taken brand new iPads and destroyed them in various ways.

One person swung a golf club into his iPad (Guy, not Girl. Elin Nordegren- sit down), another fella bashed a baseball bat into it while another guy plopped the phone into a blender to see what happens.

Totally ridiculous.

All of them attention seekers, no doubt. So, here you go–lets indulge them and look at their videos, after all, they did spend hundreds of dollars for this brief moment of infamy, before they flicker into nothingness.

The first video, is PC World’s senior editor, Tim Moynihan, who is putting his iPad through a stress test.

19-year old Justin Kocott will forever live on in infamy as the douchebag who broke the iPad. There! We hope he puts THAT in his grad school application.

Want to see what happens to an iPad when you plop it into a blender? As Blendtec showed us in this helpful video–it turns into chunky dust. Bad for the iPad, good for the blender sales.

The Enemy Is Everywhere

“From whence shall we expect the approach of danger? Shall some trans-Atlantic military giant step the earth and crush us at a blow? Never. All the armies of Europe and Asia…could not by force take a drink from the Ohio River or make a track on the Blue Ridge in the trial of a thousand years. No, if destruction be our lot we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of free men we will live forever or die by suicide.”

Abraham Lincoln, Address to the Young Men’s Lyceum of Springfield, Illinois on January 27, 1838.

The crucial element missing from the progressive resistance to the George Bush era and the rise of the corporation was a meaningful soundtrack.  Titus Andronicus, a fiery punk band from New Jersey, may not define themselves as activists (neither did Bob Dylan), but their second album, The Monitor, delivers a much-needed blistering rebuke to contemporary society.

For those of you who missed their 2008 debut, An Airing of Grievances, Titus Andronicus’ debut was packed with anthems about finding purpose in the doldrums of New Jersey.  In their second record, they revisit that idea through the prism of the U.S Civil War.  The album is fantastically ambitious, an adjective used to describe few major bands today; in fact, when asked to describe the album, front-man Patrick Stickles offered, “Through and through, it is a whole-hearted and potentially ill-advised grab for some sort of imaginary brass ring, the sound of a band desperate for success and defiantly unafraid of failure.”

The opening song, “A More Perfect Union” unleashes a torrent of emotions- distaste with culture, the depressing escapism of alcohol, and the difficulty of figuring out what exactly you’re looking for: “I didn’t want to change the world, but I’m looking for a new New Jersey,” to a musical background dripping with influences from Bruce Springsteen to  Civil War melodies.

The second track, “Titus Andronicus Forever,” ends with a passage from a letter Lincoln wrote to his law partner in 1841: “I am now the most miserable man living.  If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be one cheer face on earth.”  This is a striking quote.  First, you would think Lincoln said it during the Civil War, as the Union’s exhausted Commander-In-Chief.  In fact, he was simply another 30-something lawyer struggling for meaning.  Lincoln was deeply melancholy for much of his life, and was subject to tremendous mood swings even as president. Depression, when it strikes, is a major obstacle to most of us achieving our goals, as it often leads to unproductive feelings of self-pity and nihilism.  Yet the same man who expressed his own sadness so dramatically went on to become not only a great president, but one of the most important figures in American history.  It makes my own bouts with dark moods feel petty by comparison.

I love this album as a history lover and an activist.  Nearly every sprawling track on the album starts or ends with a quote from Shakespeare, Lincoln, or Jefferson Davis.  The album is titled after the U.S.S Monitor, the first ironclad ship commissioned during the Civil War.  The fourteen-minute closing track, “The Battle of Hampton Roads”, is named for a naval battle involving the U.S.S Monitor in 1862.  Who still writes fourteen minute epics? Who references history so effusively in their garage rock song?  Who asks this much of their fans to simply get through the album?  One terrible review I read didn’t even realize it was a Civil War concept album- I guess singing “Glory, glory, hallelujah” and tracks called “A More Perfect Union” and “Four Score Part Two” didn’t ring a bell.  I think it’s great to ask people to think harder, and the demands of this album, musically and lyrically, are refreshing.

I agree with the album themes to an extent.  On “Four Score Part Two”, Stickles rails,  “It’s still us against them, it’s still us against them, it’s still us against them, and they’re winning.” So true, but it’s not over yet, Patrick, it’s not over.  Modern history has been a constant struggle for fulfill Tennyson’s exoneration, “Tis’ not too late to seek a newer world.”  In the last century we as a people have emerged from the wreckage of the worst war in human history to expand the rights, opportunities and comforts of men and women all over the world.  None of it is has come easy- the civil rights movement, the women’s movement, the liberation of Africa and fight against apartheid, acceptance of gays, social welfare for the poor, a new middle class all over the world, medical and communications advances.  ‘You’ve got to admit it’s getting better, all the time,’ as the rarely profound Paul McCartney would tell you.   That’s why no matter how ‘bad’ things are, I tend to believe they will eventually get better, even if it very much still is us against them, and they’re winning.

During “No Future Part Three: No Escape From No Future”, the band harshly chants, “You will always be a loser!”  a thematic reprise from their first album, though this time Stickles ends with a piercing yell, “And that’s ok!” Not only is it ok, but I’ll re-raise Stickles- the era of the loser is on its way out.  Kurt Vonnegut’s fantastic campaign theme from Slapstick, “Lonesome No More,” has been realized in the internet era.  Never has it been easier in the history of human history to find people who look like you, think like you, share your values, enjoy the same music, root for the same teams, and just generally like you.  Perhaps I’m conflating being a loser with isolation, but inasmuch as I’ve ever associated the link, we are entering a true “Lonesome No More” era.

If Titus Andronicus could pick one quote to define the album, it would probably be the chorus line from “Titus Andronicus Forever” (incidentally, also written on their t-shirt): “The enemy is everywhere, the enemy is everywhere. No one seems to be aware or care, but the enemy is everywhere.”  They are right, of course, as cynics often are.  But I’m simply not going to leave it at that gloomy message; I’m just too pumped up after listening to album. So I’ll counter with a verse that we all know and love, which just as easily could have fit with the spirit of the album, and which speaks to the effort we need to make as a society each day:

“Let us dedicate ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world.”

Robert Kennedy, Indianapolis speech, the night of Martin Luther King’s assassination, April 4, 1968.

More power to The New Dorks!

And how can we not want a piece of the original?

If you go poking around the hood, there really is no sign, nothing that speaks of the gentleman or his invention, but if you ask enough old timers about Butts, then you’ll get the lowdown on what exactly transpired.

Alfred Butts, was an out of work architect, who wasn’t really happy with the state of board games back in the 1930′s.  He figured that by putting together word games and anagrams, he would be able to give people a game that they would enjoy. Enter, “Criss Cross.” Bad name–but what else could you expect from a guy named Butts? Anyhoo, after trifling with “Lexiko,” the board game was finally christened “Scrabble” by entrepreneur James Brunot.  The rest, is H-I-S-T-O-R-Y.

To add a visual element to my ramble, here is a charming video made by Columbia Journalism Students Benedict Moran and Sruthi Gottipati, about Scrabble in Jackson Heights.

Related Content:
In Jackson Heights
If It’s Green–It Must Be a Garden Apartment
Jackson Heights Serves Up A Shot of Cool
Snack-Happy in Jackson Heights

So let me back up and tell you all the nutty things I have managed to parse through this morning.

Space Ark- Iranian Style; Iran launches one mouse, two turtles and a bunch of worms into space

On Wednesday, Iran launched a rocket into space–with a special and somewhat wriggly payload.

One mouse, two turtles and some worms were packed into the “experimental capsule” in the “Kovoshgar 3 (Explorer 3) rocket and were given a one way ticket into the great yonder. The rat, nicknamed Helmz 1, and his buddies will now live out the rest of their lives on the rocket, their movements monitored by live video relayed from the space ark.

Read the rest of my piece here.

Giant hungry eagle pushes goat off cliff – Yayy DINNER!

And crazy lady found guilty of animal cruelty after piercing her kittens’ ears

There is nothing to watch on entertainment TV except American Idol (Posh Spice looks increasingly like an insect from outer space) and Jersey Shore (I dare you to judge me.) and the news is-pardon my French- full of crap. And it doesn’t matter what country you are in-news sucks.

So as a tribute to all the crappy bulletins out there and as a shoutout to all those of you who slave in an unforgiving, ungrateful industry that causes rapid aging, heartburn and wrinkles –here’s our loving tribute. A (very) generic newscast- because new should be fair, unbiased and generic. Enjoy.

No one comes close to Anthony Bourdain when it comes to calling a spade a spade. Here he is, on a jaunt across Astoria – discovering the authentic Egyptian fare dished out at Kabab Cafe. From goat brains to kidney and balls – this is a compelling reason to stay a carnivore for life. Here’s Bourdain and his buddy Andrew Zimmern on the right way to handle balls–er, goat balls, we presume.

Read more Kabab Cafe reviews here, here and here.

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Best Italian Food in NYC? Astoria’s L’Incontro Bags Top Spot
Queens Hot Chocolate Crawl
Astoria: Shopping in Quirky Land

Drift from mustardcuffins on Vimeo.

Be it The Strokes’ “Is This It?” or TV on the Radio’s “Return to Cookie Mountain” and Dear Science or Vampire Weekend’s eponymous debut, its been a thrilling ride.

Just take a look at this year’s releases.

Among the countless hipster faves, you’ll find such gems as Antony and The Johnsons’  “The Crying Light,” Animal Collective’s “Merriweather Post Pavilion,” Julian Casablancas’ “Phrazes for the Young” and arguably the best album of the year- Dirty Projectors’ “Bitte Orca.”

Artist: Anthony and The Johnsons

Album: Crying Light

The Crying Light was the first of the lot that I managed to get.

Its impossible to go through the strangely luminous, teasingly seductive songs that makes up the album without being profoundly moved.

Everyone knows about Antony Hegarty’s much talked about sexuality, but it really amazes how few have actually heard the music.

A great amalgam of jazz figures, understated autumnal strings and Hegarty’s beautiful voice, The Crying Light is absolutely brilliant.

Although the album deals with issues like death and decay it’s a classic statement of the creative will turning fear into a defiant celebration of life.

Epilepsy is Dancing, based in part on the famous Japanese Butoh dancer Kazuo Ohno, who at 106, is still performing, is a case in point.

And then there are deeply sexy, playful songs like Kiss My Name, one of the most accomplished come-ons set to music that I can think of.

On top of all that, Hegarty’s album makes one of the most personal environmentalist statements in music. In the haunting Another World, he sings, “I’m gonna miss the sea, gonna miss the snows; I’m gonna miss the trees, miss the things that grow.” A beautiful album.

Artist: Animal Collective

Album: Merriweather Post Pavilion

Very happy with life seem Brooklyn favourites Animal Collective.

They delivered another early stunner when Merriweather Post Pavilion was released in January this year.

MPP is like most other AC albums in one way- it takes time getting used to.

At least so I thought, before I heard the album a second time.

Its no understatement to say that this is veritable candy-shop of an album- immensely accessible, and with new sound-treats in store every time you visit.

Lyrically the songs move away from the tribal hootenannies of yore, peopled by strange animals and colours, as Panda Bear and Avey Tare write about the joys of domesticity on Summertime Clothes.

Of course, if you’re as Day-Glo as these gents, even your domesticity’s slightly weird.

They write love paens to wives and children in the band’s surreal metaphors on My Girls and Also Frightened. On Brothersport, as opposed to being slightly cheesy, its actually exciting and very touching, especially when coupled to the fairground music that goes with it.

Ah the music! All AC albums have followed the relatively simple but hard-to-execute sonic architecture of overlapping circular arrangements culled from samplers and damaged-guitar tones, that come together for soaring choruses and then break down again, creating a compelling ebb and flow.

In MPP, they get it very right because all the sounds chase the very conventional song structures in a dizzying sound that’s designed for the inside of your head. Grounding this kaleidoscope wash of sounds are deep bass pulses, tambourines and the occasional tribal thud.

By the time the album orgasms in the joyous Brother Sport, you’re left breathless and grinning. AND they made Billboard Top 20! Last month’s Fall Be Kind EP’s no slouch either.

Artist: Julian Casablancas

Album: Phrazes for the Young

Strangely enough, you hear distinctly AC-ish sounds at 1:53 of 4 Chords of the Apocalypse, a great blue-eyed soul number delivered with uncharacteristic ferocity by Strokes-man Julian Casablancas.

Yes, you read right- Casablancas and ferocity in one line. Nearly all the members of The Strokes had released multiple solo albums- barring guitarist Nick Valensi- but what people were really eager to hear was new music from the band’s singer and songwriter Julian Casablancas.

Finally released, his debut solo album Phrazes for the Young is a triumph.

It starts out on familiar Strokes territory with the chugging, chiming guitars of Out of The Bluebursting from the speakers.

But by the time the glorious chorus comes on, it isn’t guitars that come to the fore, but synthesizers! And this from a man who we all thought was a late-Seventies, guitar chewing, Velvet Underground-loving pop purist!

But the song’s so good, you can hardly imagine it existing in any other sonic context.

The other tune on this short album that most resembles The Strokes is the raging River of Brakelights.

But the other six songs take one musical left turn after another, all the while retaining their quality pop hooks.

So while Glass can only be described as a combination of Western Classical motifs and shiny, glacial electropop, 11th Dimension wanders through a looking glass world of cheesy 80s synth pop, treated percussion and a decidedly 50s guitar figure.

These wildly disparate elements should never mix, but here they do so, miraculously. In a similar vein, the deep soul of 4 Chords of the Apocalypse suddenly morphs into sampler-led sonic terrorism in the chorus, which then leads to a delightful sweeping guitar solo. It’s a mesmerizing mix, one that feels perfectly logical.

Casablancas has often been accused of singing in a sullen whine. On Phrazes he buries his vocals deep in the mix a la Mick Jagger on The Stones’ Exile on Main Street, and just as Jagger did on that album, Casablancas proceeds to unveil his rich range- considerably better than on the Strokes’ albums- from the fantastic soul croon on Apocalypse to a warped, wry sing song on the country ditty Ludlow Street.

His voice is expansive and expressive.

Artist: Dirty Projectors

Album: Bitte Orca

When I saw Bitte Orca, it looked strange enough for me to get it.

And when the heavily reverbed prog guitar intro of Cannibal Resource started, with the very Led Zeppelin heavy drums, I was lulled for a second into thinking that this would be a straightforward pop album.

Of course, I knew nothing about band mastermind David Longstreth. Pretty soon the soaring, ethereal voices of singers Angel Deradoorian and Amber Coffman started floating all over the place, in precisely written parts over stop-start rhythms, Tinariwen-like handclaps- all tied into a very Captain Beefheart-like approach to songwriting.

Its difficult music, but one that let’s you in if you give it enough time. And once you’re in, the pleasures- melodic and rhythmic- just keep on coming.

Take Temecula Sunrise for one. Soaked in the same warm communal vibes as Merriweather- is this the dawn of an East Coast love-in? This song winds its way into your skull through a beautiful chordal acoustic guitar figure that is as eccentric as Longstreth’s high, keening voice; which suddenly leads up to a gloriously electric chorus and then breaks for the second verse which is arranged like a song from Tinariwen’s Aman Iman from two years ago.

Longstreth evidently takes African music seriously, and you can hear his influence on the band that two of his erstwhile protégés formed- Vampire Weekend. Anyway, the song then goes into a compelling, driving yet utterly inscrutable guitar solo- more inventive than anything Jack White has recorded in the past few years.

Further on you have the brilliant Timbaland soul r’n’b pastiche Stillness is the Move.

Amber Coffman outdoes herself in a masterful vocal turn of glorious radiance.

Then you have the unsettling folk ballad Two Doves and other highlights like Useful Chamber which winds all over the place over eerie keyboard figures and voices, a dance floor beat before convening for the strangely uplifting chorus of “Bitte Orca Orca Bitte” and another blistering solo that Jimmy Page would have been proud of, as would be Thurston Moore.

Its mesmerizing music, messy by design and rich in melody and rhythm. Its my favorite album of the year by miles.

It grows on you, and soon you’re humming the tune.

Ludlow Street, another strange mix of styles, is the masterpiece on this album. It starts with an ominous drone like something out of the There Will be Blood soundtrack before morphing into a country lament for the soul of New York City.

For more on Bitte Orca, go to Pitchforktv’s review.

Tell us what made your list of favorite music this year. Drop us a line below!

Bibek Bhattacharya is an avid traveler and writer. He is currently the Editor of Business Today’s lifestyle magazine, MORE.  Bibek blogs at bibekbhattacharya.blogspot.com